I have often struggled with low self-esteem that’s why I started the blog in the first place. Almost one year later it’s safe to say that I’m more confident however I still struggle day to day with making choices that reflect that. Am I strong enough? I have accomplished a lot why isn’t that enough? Am I putting the pressure on myself?
I’m not sure why I’ve hung on to my previous life…a chapter closed…ended. Perhaps because it’s comfortable or maybe because I held onto hope that one day it would all miraculously change. Life will only change when you change…when you make different decisions. I feel powerless but in reality I dictate my life I am in control of my decisions I choose to stay or I can choose to move on. Am I happy? Absolutely not! So why do I feel impeded when I try to move on. I can’t expect my life to change when I keep making the same decisions. Today is the day I am promising myself to make different decisions.
I have wanted something my whole life. You could call it a dream or a goal. But at the moment I feel like it’s impossible and I’ll never get what I want. I’m trying to find hope. I’m trying to find a reason why everyone else around appears to have it but it’s alluded me. I’m having difficulty having faith that one day I will….
I am finally learning that I can depend on myself. I have to realize life is not easy….but I’m capable of handling life. I’m not currently in the place I want to be in my life but that’s ok it will somehow work out “this too shall pass”. Life will get better but it might get worst and that’s ok. I will survive.
Every choice you make has led you to this point in time. My expectations were too high or I was being unrealistic . Relationships take work. I need to take responsibility for my own actions but also realize the impact of my behavior. You have to be truly ready to forgive and let go of the past in order to move forward. There were once too monks walking along a road and they came upon an old woman. One of the Monks asked the woman if she needed any help. The old woman asked him to carry her across the muddy road. The Monk helped her across. The monks continued walking. The other monk was annoyed and continued wondering why his companion had stopped their long journey to help this old woman. He asked his friend why did you do that. The monk replied you are still carrying that woman on our journey making it harder. I probably didn’t retell that story correctly. But in essence the point is the same. In a relationship carrying all the hurtful events or so called wrongdoings doesn’t help the relationship it hinders it. Forgiveness is truly letting go of those wrong doings it doesn’t mean you forgot but letting go allows healing to begin. Laying blame doesn’t fix the relationship it hinders it. Taking responsibility for your our behavior is the only power you have.
I take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I recently had a hurtful fight with someone I love. While the person said some very hurtful and mean comments my initial reaction was to say hurtful things back and ultimately I wanted to hurt the person but this time I took a step back and decided to stay silent. Putting blame on the other person only perpetuates harm and leaves me powerless. But choosing not to be hurtful empowers me.
I’m not sure why I am so gullible but I am! I always believe in the good of others even when they’ve proven me wrong many times. Behavior is indicative and when you meet someone new romantically or not you get a feeling. It’s a like a 6th sense…you instinctively know. I’m at a point in my life where I’m done wasting time in situations that make me feel uncomfortable or unsatisfactory. I don’t know why I’ve always been afraid to speak up for myself. The Self-Love Challenge was helpful but there’s still work to do. I’m most upset at myself for consistently giving people a second chance when quite frankly they don’t deserve it. Life is too short for me to be wasting time and effort in doomed relationships whether familial, romantic or friendships. It’s not worth the stress nor the time. Going forward I have decided to start anew and let go of the past I am so ready for change!