One day at a time

I am finally learning that I can depend on myself. I have to realize life is not easy….but I’m capable of handling life. I’m not currently in the place I want to be in my life but that’s ok it will somehow work out “this too shall pass”. Life will get better but it might get worst and that’s ok. I will survive.

Life

Every choice you make has led you to this point in time. My expectations were too high or I was being unrealistic . Relationships take work. I need to take responsibility for my own actions but also realize the impact of my behavior. You have to be truly ready to forgive and let go of the past in order to move forward. There were once too monks walking along a road and they came upon an old woman. One of the Monks asked the woman if she needed any help. The old woman asked him to carry her across the muddy road. The Monk helped her across. The monks continued walking. The other monk was annoyed and continued wondering why his companion had stopped their long journey to help this old woman. He asked his friend why did you do that. The monk replied you are still carrying that woman on our journey making it harder. I probably didn’t retell that story correctly. But in essence the point is the same. In a relationship carrying all the hurtful events or so called wrongdoings doesn’t help the relationship it hinders it. Forgiveness is truly letting go of those wrong doings it doesn’t mean you forgot but letting go allows healing to begin. Laying blame doesn’t fix the relationship it hinders it. Taking responsibility for your our behavior is the only power you have.

Why are we so hurtful to each other?

I take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I recently had a hurtful fight with someone I love. While the person said some very hurtful and mean comments my initial reaction was to say hurtful things back and ultimately I wanted to hurt the person but this time I took a step back and decided to stay silent. Putting blame on the other person only perpetuates harm and leaves me powerless. But choosing not to be hurtful empowers me.

Life’s too short!

I’m not sure why I am so gullible but I am! I always believe in the good of others even when they’ve proven me wrong many times. Behavior is indicative and when you meet someone new romantically or not you get a feeling. It’s a like a 6th sense…you instinctively know. I’m at a point in my life where I’m done wasting time in situations that make me feel uncomfortable or unsatisfactory. I don’t know why I’ve always been afraid to speak up for myself. The Self-Love Challenge was helpful but there’s still work to do. I’m most upset at myself for consistently giving people a second chance when quite frankly they don’t deserve it. Life is too short for me to be wasting time and effort in doomed relationships whether familial, romantic or friendships. It’s not worth the stress nor the time. Going forward I have decided to start anew and let go of the past I am so ready for change!

Life update

I’m successful by professional standards. I have a job and I pay my bills. I’ve moved up the latter and I acknowledge all the help I’ve received. In my personal life I have not been so successful….why? The decisions I’ve made have brought me to this place and I have the power to change it. Why do I feel powerless when in reality I dictate how I feel and who I let in my life. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately and I realize now I have some changes to make. It will be challenging and there will be setbacks but allowing the same mistakes would be to make the same decisions.

The struggle is real…

I feel as though I’m at the same point in my life that I was years ago. It’s hard to put my thoughts down but its like groundhog day reliving the same pain over and over never realizing the lesson that I’m supposed to learn. What am I supposed to learn? I’m supposed to learn that I’m good enough plain and simple. I deserve to be treated as though I matter….my thoughts and feelings matter. If anyone does not respect me then I am to let them go and walk out of my life forever. I don’t know why I haven’t let that happen in the past but now is the time to do it. Allowing it to repeat is the underlying problem.

Reflections

At my age you would think that I would be wise enough to understand there are people in this world who will take advantage. I’m an idealist, I’ve always been and it’s lead to my demise many times. Simply because I am unwilling to believe people would knowingly do harm or want to profit from others. However time and time again I find people taking advantage of my kindness or willingness to help. I’m discouraged by the behavior of others