Day Ten of Self Love Challenge

john singer sargent 2

Day Ten Challenge – HOW CAN YOU SET BETTER BOUNDARIES IN YOUR LIFE

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” – Anna Taylor

” When someone over steps your boundaries, they’re letting you know what you want doesn’t matter.” – Phil Good

” The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.” – unknown

“When you feel yourself becoming angry, resentful, or exhausted, pay attention to where you haven’t set a healthy boundary” – Crystal Andrus

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” – Brene Brown

“If we never set limits with certain people, they will just keep taking from us because they have an unhealthy sense of entitlement.” – Shannon Thomas

This challenge is a tough one. Obviously doing 70-80 hour work weeks earlier this year means I wasn’t setting boundaries. I have low-self esteem and because of that I’m actively working on building my self-confidence/self-acceptance through blogging, reading, and this 31 day self love challenge.  I’m an outspoken person with those whom I feel comfortable with. I’m usually silent or reserved with those whom I do not feel comfortable with until I’ve gauged their level of acceptance. Here’s where I think the problem lies…I too often looked to others for validation or approval. I placed value on their acceptance or non-acceptance of me.  But before I can set better boundaries in my life, I have to first place value on myself. I am enough plain and simple.

Here is a simple list on how to start setting boundaries (keep in mind there’s no wrong or right way to do this)

(1) Name your limits – You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. It’s important to recognize what makes you feel uncomfortable. Consider what you will accept or tolerate

(2) Tune into your feelings – When someone acts in a particular way that makes you feel uncomfortable that’s probably a cue that he/she is crossing a boundary

(3) Be direct. (no explanation needed)

(4) Give yourself permission – Boundaries are a sign of self-respect. DON’T LET FEAR, GUILT, OR SELF-DOUBT prevent you from setting boundaries. KNOW YOUR WORTH

(5) Practice self-awareness – Again boundaries are about recognizing your feelings and honouring them

(6) Consider your past and present – for example as a nurse and mother ignoring my own needs had become normal to me

(7) Make self-care a priority – Your feelings are important, KNOW YOUR WORTH, honouring your feelings is import

(8) Be assertive – People are not mind-readers, she/he may not know what bothers you, it’s important to communicate when someone has crossed a boundary.

Setting Boundaries takes courage and practice

Some more quotes that resonate with me

“The most important day is the day you decide you are good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free” – Brittany Josephina

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value” – unknown

“Self respect, self worth and self love, all start with self. Stop looking outside of yourself for your value.” – Rob Liano

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do” – Brene Brown

Artwork Credit – John Singer Sarget “Mrs. Louis E. Raphael”

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