Day Twenty-Two Challenge – WHAT THINGS MAKE YOU FEEL BAD, BUT YOU FIND YOURSELF DOING THEM ANYWAY?
I finally writing this blog. I’m over a week behind in my daily self love challenge. Day twenty-two challenge is a difficult one for me. In reading the challenge I answered the question instantly which was a truth I wasn’t ready to face.
I have allowed a particular person to stay in my life even though I don’t feel respected by him. I believe he is selfish and thinks only of himself and not of others. His actions have spoken to this idea on multiple occasions. Our interactions make me feel bad but yet I don’t have the courage to let go and put an end to it.
Why you might ask? Is it my low self-esteem? Why do I think it’s tolerable to accept this treatment? Perhaps it is because it is comfortable, I have grown accustomed to this treatment because it is what I know. However internally I struggle because I know I don’t deserve this treatment in fact nobody deserves to feel unimportant or disrespected.
Perhaps he treats others this way because he himself struggles with feeling unimportant/worthless or maybe he’s just a narcissist incapable of any other behaviour. I have always tried to see the good in others which has led me down a path of pain and disappointment. Maybe my standards are too high or I expect perfection when humans by nature are imperfect. People make mistakes, I make mistakes. However a mistake repeated more than once is a decision. He is a grown man capable of changing his behaviour. Whether consciously or unconsciously he decides to treat me in such a way.
It is not only his behaviour that is at fault, I have a responsibility in this as well. I allow this treatment to continue, I have not set limits in the past and this has given him the impression that his treatment of me is acceptable to me.
“The Secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” – Socrates
“Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know what now seems so obvious in hindsight” – Judy Belmont
“Dwelling on past bad decisions you’ve made only allows those decisions to keep defining you. Forgive yourself and move on” – Mandy Hale
I forgive my younger self for thinking so little of myself. I want to move forward in life. I am aware of my worth. For whatever reason he just doesn’t see my worth. I forgive myself and I forgive him. I do not want to hold onto any anger, I want to let go and walk away. The past is gone. I no longer want the past to have an effect on my present.
Artwork credit – “Ophelia” by John William Waterhouse