Day Twenty-three Challenge – WHAT DOES YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM LOOK LIKE? HOW CAN YOU MAKE IT STRONGER?
I want to start off today’s blog by acknowledging that I have been unable to keep up with my busy schedule and the blog. I am still committed to putting my thoughts and self out there but not at my own expense. There just hasn’t been enough hours in the day for everything I want to do.
My support system consists of my mom and my friends. My mom has always provided love and support throughout my life. I have been very fortunate in that respect. Although at times the mother-daughter relationship can create growth it can also encourange dependence, there has to be clear boundaries in order for the relationship to be beneficial for both mum and daughter
One of my best friends Shannon needs to be acknowledged for her support. I have known her for over ten years. When my father died she took a week off from work and was there for me every step of the way, I could not have gotten through such a devastating time without her. We communicate almost every day. She is instrumental in my growth and maintaining my sanity. She doesn’t spare my feelings and I’m thankful for her brutal honesty. I would “walk through fire” for her.
Recently I have lost one of my best friends. Everybody makes mistakes however lying is not something I tolerate. I have distanced myself from her almost entirely. She still makes attempts to rekindle our friendship but I’m nonresponsive. I receive a lot of flack from my entourage about how I should be forgiving and understanding given our history. Here’s my point… she disrespects me and has no regard for me. Ever since our twenties we had a dream to travel to Europe. Over a year ago I finally had the cash to make such a trip happen. Let me preface by saying I declared to her prior to any purchasing or planning anything that if she was planning on getting married or having a baby in the next year I am not interested in traveling with her. I am a nurse and do not want to take care of someone on my vacation. She stated no I’m ready and excited for this trip our plans/dreams are finally coming true. Fast forward more than six months later she sends me a text message with two positive pregnancy tests. Excuse me but I spent well over 20,000 dollars on the trip of a lifetime and you get knocked up by some guy you have known less than one year and have no commitment from whatsoever after I specifically and bluntly said I don’t want to travel with a pregnant woman. The entire trip she lagged behind…you could see the exhaustion in her face. Her lower extremities swelled beyond recognition. I was impressed that she never complained about her condition however she still lied and never apologized for her blatant disregard and disrespect for the time, money, and planning I put into this trip. Let me be clear I am ecstatic that her dreams of having a child are finally coming true but there is a time and place for starting a family. Starting a family should not be taken lightly and is forever life changing. When she tells me it was unplanned let me be brutally honest…if a man ejaculates his penis in your vagina on a regular basis without birth control you are going to get pregnant….she is an intelligent woman and knows the consequences of such behavior. If she had declared months prior to the trip that she was trying to get pregnant I would have had no problem and would have wished her well and made plans with someone else. However she did not and insisted that she couldn’t wait for our trip. She sent the text the picture of two positive pregnancy tests several weeks before our date of departure leaving me with no opportunity to make alternative plans without losing lots of money. She is in her late thirties and has no excuse for such behavior. In order to make my support system stronger I have cut her out of my life. I am hurt by her behavior and we have been friends since birth. We were introduced when only weeks old. Throwing that friendship away might be dramatic and drastic to some but I need people in my life who are in my corner. Her blatant disregard cannot be ignored, her disrespectful behavior cannot be ignored. I still feel wronged but I am committed to forgiveness and letting go. Now that I have said my peace I relinquish my energy to this situation. I wish her the best. In loving thy self and setting limits one cannot allow disrespectful behavior. I don’t even need to vocalize my justification. My feelings are valid and trustworthy. My friendship has been true and unwavering however my love is not unconditional. My acceptance of other’s behavior is in direct correlation with his/her respect for me and value he/she places on me. I am no longer willing to accept behavior that is disrespectful.