To begin again

I feel like I’m reinventing my life every day. I recently went through a challenge that has brought to light everything in my life. I think when you’ve reached a point where you feel you have suffered enough you realize everything has to change. I’ve read 5 self-discovery/ self-help books in the last week and I’m finally getting the point. Life is rough and crappy things happen but it’s how you respond that determines the outcome. We are all enough and we all deserve love but we get so involved in life, in the so-called journey that we forget the point. I took a week off from work to have emergency surgery and literally spent my days drinking tea and sitting outside. I came to many realizations outside, one being that I’m not really present all the time; I’m always beating myself up about the past and living in the future. My mindset being if I do this then that won’t happen and maybe this will happen, playing out all the scenarios before they’ve even occurred, worrying, wondering, and ultimately never being satisfied or living in the present moment. I’m not really enjoying life. There is nothing certain but that’s the point I’m trying to find a road that’s uncertain. How ridiculous is that??? When has life ever been certain, it’s ever changing; sometimes things are good and sometimes things are bad. The only stable thing is the unpredictability of life. So why not live? I don’t mean quit my job and move to a tropical island. I mean accept my current situation and either stay or change it. It’s really that simple. So I’m learning to let go of the past cause I can’t change it and I can’t dwell there without missing out on what’s going on right now. I’m feeling more at peace than ever. I can’t predict the future whatever happen, will happen. The only aspect I can control is how I respond. Bad things don’t happen to me because I’m meant to suffer or I’m supposed to be punished. I’m supposed to learn, accept, and move on. It doesn’t mean I won’t have bad days and I won’t feel depressed but that’s a choice. I can chose to be present instead of living in the past or future. We are all capable and worthy.

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